Happy Father's Day

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Happy Father's Day to the dad who has dealt with me my whole life, to the dad who has given up so much of himself for his family, to the dad who spent the entirety of my life investing in me, wishing the best for me, to the dad who has never given up on me when I have given up, to the dad that always told me what I didn't want to hear and gave me advice when I didn't want it. He's not perfect, but I couldn't ask for anyone else to be my dad. I'm not sure any other man could tolerate me the way he does. 

Thank you, daddy, for teaching me about music because my mother couldn't. Thank you for teaching me about how to appreciate classical music and to love oldies. 

Thank you for always thinking of the bigger picture when I only want to think of tomorrow. 

Thank you for teaching me about God. I may not understand anything you tell me, but thank you for giving me all the knowledge you know about Him.

Thank you for videotaping my entire childhood. I wouldn't know who my mom was without the minimal footage you got of her.

Thank you for always trying to teach me something, on vacation or just sitting at home. I don't always like it, but I appreciate that you're trying to teach me.

I love you, daddy. No matter if I'm 21 or 51, I will always be your little girl.

21 Things

Friday, April 21, 2017

My 21st birthday finally arrived and I'm not sure that I can fully explain how I feel about it. I don't like to make it a huge deal, but I definitely want the year to be different. I have a lot of habits that I'd like to break and a lot of new experiences I'd like to embark on. Here's 21 things that came to mind! 
What I Want To Change

I would like to cut fast food out of my diet and have very minimal sugar intake. When it comes to food, I'm weak. I LOVE food, regardless of my intolerances to most of it. However, I have let my eating get out of control and it has caused me to gain a lot of weight in the last year. It has also made me really sick. I don't want to feel sick anymore and I want to be healthy and strong, as well. 
I want to keep working out and stop giving up when it gets hard or it hurts. I started working out on April 2nd and I would definitely say I'm seeing results, but I'm not quite where I want to be yet. I know that when you have a 20 year habit you're trying to kick, it's going to take a while to undo it. I'm taking it slow with cutting things out and trying not to get discouraged when I fall off the food wagon. It's inevitable that I'm going to have a cheat meal, but I have to pick myself back up and start over. I've cut back on coffee, believe it or not, and limit myself to 40oz at night and use only almond milk for creamer. It's a start!

I want to have a better handle of my finances this year. I am already on my way there, but have a long way to go! I have been paying off some debts and starting over. It's not something I'm proud of and my credit report is going to be on the rocks for a long time, but my goal this year is to start saving my money instead of spending it on everything. I do fail at times, but I want to work on that and not use it as a crutch for sadness or stress.

I want to start spending more time with family. I wasted so many years fighting with my parents over stupid crap. If I hadn't of been so stubborn, I would probably have a better relationship with them. I finally feel like I have a better relationship with them because I'm sharing more of my life with them. I'm not always trying to conceal everything. I'm actually opening up my life to them and asking for advice. I wish I had learned it a lot earlier, but at least I'm learning it now. That's all that matters. Starting over is sometimes what it takes.

I want to make my relationship with God better. I have neglected Him for so long, but it feels so good to come back to a Savior who forgives my every sin and never holds it against me. I would not be where I am in life if God hadn't brought me through some painful experiences and heartbreak. Easter Sunday definitely had an impact on me! God is not only there for the pain and sorrow but for the good things in life, too. He has blessed me in so many ways! I can't thank Him enough for giving me all that He has and for helping me grow as a person.

I want to kick my blogging up a notch. I don't write as often as I'd like but I want to schedule it more times per week because I see this as a place that I can write my feelings about certain things. I sometimes will go back to old posts I wrote when I first started writing and it brings back all the memories. I used to write daily back then but I was in high school and didn't have much else going on and now it's something I'd like to pursue more. Writing is my absolute passion. It's something I know I'm good at. It's a precious gift God has given me and I want to use it to the best of my ability. 

I want to sing more. I used to sing and play guitar in high school and definitely miss that. I am not one to share that gift with anyone, because I honestly don't like attention. I don't like people looking at me or watching me, so I usually do it in the privacy of my car. I put my earbuds in, tune out the world, and belt out singing. It feels good to do it and I'd like to put myself out there again and upload a video sometime for old times' sake.

Random Facts About Me

Whenever I clean, I listen to "Happy Working Song" from Enchanted. It's cheesy, but I absolutely love it. That song gets me all hyped up to clean. It puts a positive message out there to clean AND be happy about it. Cleaning doesn't have to be a chore. It can be relaxing at times, and music can help make doing those things easier and more enjoyable.

Europe is on my bucket list and I hope that during my 20's I will be able to cross it off my list. A few places in mind are Rome, Spain, Barcelona, London, and Paris. I've only seen pictures of these places and their historical landmarks, but pictures won't do them justice. I want to see them with my own two eyes.

I have a heart for dachshunds, powder blue '65 Mustangs, words of affirmation, hand-written letters, pizza, flowers, late night talks, '70s music, rainy days sitting next to a fire cuddled in blankets, laughing until I cry, coffee of any kind, cuddling, and old scrapbooks.

I like watching movies from my childhood rather than the provocative, raunchy type of movies that are out these days. I love Disney movies even though they are predictable. I watch them because it makes me remember that I lived in a simpler time at one point.

I actually hate Valentine's Day. It's overrated. You have 365 days a year to send flowers, chocolates, hand written notes, and cutesy little things that people do. You don't need a specific day of the year for that and that's how I've always felt. I would rather get flowers spontaneously than on a planned day like Valentine's Day. It speaks volumes to me when you go out of your way to do something like that. I don't like surprises but I do like to get caught off guard with that kind of thing.

I love being spontaneous. I don't ever have a plan for anything, I just like to go out and do it. That can be bad depending on what it is. It's something I hope never changes because there is a balance for both.

I am a very naive and vulnerable person 100% of the time. Again, not sure if that's a good thing all the time.

I listen to Christmas music all year long. I've always been that way. My family gets super upset with me when I have it on in early October, but I just love the feeling of that time of year. Jesus' birth is the most important part of that holiday, but I love buying presents for my family and friends too. 

If money was no object, I'd go skydiving. I am not afraid of heights, but falling out of a plane doesn't make it seem any less terrifying. 

I never had acne as a teenager, but I have it now. It's a totally new experience for me and not one that I ever thought I would have to encounter.

I have always wanted to write a book, but I don't know what kind it would be. 

I love horror and thrillers. I don't like to be scared, but there's something about horror that gets your adrenaline pumping and it makes you want to watch but at the same time look away.

Julie Andrews is a huge inspiration of mine when it comes to singing. Her voice was beautiful in the Sound of Music and no one could do the song "The Sound of Music" justice. 

If I could travel back in time, I would meet the mom who gave birth to me. I never knew her because she passed when I was a year and a half old. I've heard such great things about her. I would love to know her the way everyone else did. 

There you have it! 21 things for my 21 years. I hope you enjoyed reading! 




Saturday, April 8, 2017

2016 was one of the worst years I've ever lived through. I made a lot of mistakes. I did a lot of things I wish I hadn't and didn't do a lot of things I wish I had. One of the things I wish I would've done was take care of myself. I realize that it is incredibly important to take care of myself, but I haven't done that. I'm overweight and I know it. People might look at me and think I'm nuts. I may not look like it, but I am very unhealthy. Overall, my body has gotten bigger, my pants have gotten tighter, my belly sticks out, and my face has gotten chunky.

I never learned discipline with food even when I was living at home. Since I've moved out, it has gotten even worse. The easiest thing for me was to make food that was easy, didn't cost a lot, and wouldn't make me put up an effort to make. I hate to admit this about myself, but I'm lazy. I don't like pain so I don't want to work out. I don't have money, so I'm not going to make foods that would make me feel good. I don't like pushing myself, so I don't work out as hard as I can. I'd do the bare minimum.

But it's time to get my act together. I want to refocus my brain to be less lazy. I want to refocus my body on fueling it with good food and working out. I want to get rid of all the toxins hanging around in my body and start feeling better. I want to have more energy and get more sleep before my night shifts. I want to see progress by working out and knowing that I got there because I chose to make a good choice. I want to push through the pain and just know that I am bettering myself!

And I have started doing that. I am on Day 6 of my 21 Day Fix journey. It has been a long and hard first week of working out. I know it's going to take some time before it gets easier and start to see results, but it's going to be worth it. I got the cookbook specifically for 21 Day Fix and I'm so excited to start making some of the recipes! I'm excited to start portioning my food also and still being able to eat the foods I enjoy without feeling guilty. :)

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!



Life Through Rose-Tinted Glasses

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Disclaimer: This is going to be lengthy, but maybe one of the most special posts I've written. I'm conquering one of my biggest fears by writing this. I'm going to be talking about a man who I fell in love with in a way I never thought I would. I have posted many relationship posts since my blog was up and running, but never in the way I am writing this one. 

In my last post, I wrote about a new job I'd gotten over that summer. The job was nothing out of the ordinary. It was definitely what I needed to get myself back on my feet and that's originally what it was supposed to be about. . . . just work. But it became more than that with time. I just didn't know it until September. I met Kyle on July 6th, when I stopped in the store one night to pick up boxes with a friend. The friend I came with knew him already, so the meeting was a little bit planned. We made small talk while he worked and shortly after, I left. 

Then came September, a month after I started my job, and I remembered meeting Kyle a few months before. I mentioned it to him one night during our shift and that's when we began talking more excessively. On October 3, I discreetly found a way to get his number (without asking for it) and that's the day that changed us for the better. With time, we learned things about each other and starting getting closer.

On October 5, he had asked me out to a movie and I declined. On October 10th, Kyle admitted that he had feelings for me.  I had already sensed his feelings because I could see it in his eyes, in his expressions, and the way he carried himself. I panicked, because I felt like it was happening really fast and didn't want to mix work with personal. I thought it would ruin our work relationship and our friendship. So, I told him I just wanted to be friends. However, it became inevitable. The connection I had with him was undeniable. We stayed friends and kept talking, all the while, things were progressing fast.

On October 25, 2016, I texted him telling him I needed to talk to him. He left me hanging unintentionally for two hours, due to helping our boss with a ride to the airport. He then texted me back when he got home, asking what was going on. So, I told him that I had feelings for him and wanted to give dating a shot. Two and a half weeks later, we went on our first date on November 12, 2016. I will always remember it, because I showed up late to the movie and the date lasted 16 hours. We went and saw a horror film, then went out for coffee, ate our weight at IHOP, and ended up talking for the rest of the date. It was one of the most fun dates I'd ever been on. I began to see the relationship through rose-tinted glasses, which basically means I started to fall in love with him. It was fast. I've been in love before, but never felt it like this. I felt so much joy, not just happiness. 

We have been together for those couple months and they have made me grow tremendously. The road we took to get to this place was not at all easy. There were several bumps in the road. Since past relationships for the both of us were trainwrecks, we decided that we wanted to go slow, get to know each other, and communicate. We didn't want to just talk, we wanted to work through our problems if we came across any. We both believed that important parts of a relationship include trust, honesty, love, and communication. We have fought. We have cried together. We have laughed together. We have spent countless hours together. We have invested time in each other and I wouldn't change it. He has become my best friend. He has helped me become the person I want to be. He has shown me that I don't need makeup to be confident. He has shown me that through our disagreements, we can find common ground. He has shown me what a true gentleman looks like. He has shown me what true love is. He has shown me what compassion looks like. He has taught me how to stand up for myself. He has acted on his word. He has shown me what it takes to put someone first. He has shown me what a hard worker looks like and helps me strive to do the same. I am beyond blessed to have him in my life and I don't know what my life would look like if July 6th hadn't ever happened. 

Hope you enjoyed reading and thanks for letting me share with you!! 


Update Post

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

2016 was one of the craziest, hardest years I've lived through. It wasn't just a hard year for relationships, family, and heartbreak. It was also my year of a dry spell with work. I wasn't making it in the restaurant business, due to the skillset I didn't have that was required and the many hours I was promised yet not given. I had several minimum wage jobs to make up for the hours I was needing to pay for all my bills. Working the number of jobs I was working were exhausting; emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. After getting fired from my last two jobs within the same week, I broke down. But, I did not give up. My dad suggested a few places for me to apply to. So I was searching high and low for a full time job at a local department store. I chose to apply for a 3rd shift position. One week later, I got the job! It was definitely what I needed to get on my feet again.

Fast forward to today and I am still happily working for this company! Truth time: third shift is one of the hardest shifts I've ever worked in my life. Becoming a day sleeper and night worker was very difficult. You drink coffee for 8 hours straight to stay awake and be alert when you normally drink it during the day. You do not get your weekends, people look at you strange when you tell them you're working 3rd shift, and when you are eating dinner at normal breakfast time. 
I have been through so much during these months. I have gained some friends and lost some. I have cried a lot of tears and laughed just as much. I have learned so much at my job and I've made some mistakes along the way, but there has definitely been some improvement! I even met my current boyfriend through work, but he comes later in another post. 

In the next year or so, I am planning to move closer to the south and keep my current work position when I do. I have lived in Michigan for 13 years, which is most of my lifetime and where my family is, but the south is where I feel my heart is leading me. I have talked about moving down south for a couple of years and I would like to finally make it a reality. I'm saving up my pennies for this move, because it's going to be a big one. I am beyond scared of change like that, but I'm also excited for a new beginning.

One thing I want to improve in 2017 is to expect a change of plans. I am trying to get better at planning events in the present day and for the future, but there are always speed bumps that stand in the way. Things happen all the time, unexpected and expected. That's why I try to live my life to the fullest every single day. I definitely tried to grow up too fast, so now I want to slow down and really try to pause daily and focus on one day at a time.

This was my update post! I hope you enjoyed reading on my update for the last year and I plan to do more update posts so I don't write a novel with the next one. Hope you enjoyed reading and thanks for stopping by! 


New Year's Resolutions for 2017

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

For the last 10 years, my dad and I spent a lot of time talking about goals, ambitions, and resolutions for the coming year. It was like pulling teeth to get me to sit down and write them out because I didn't see the point of it. However, this year, I feel like I really see the point of setting goals. I feel like I've accomplished something that way. I like to look 10 years ahead and think that I have accomplished something during my 20's. The other day when I sat down, I thought, "What do I want the year 2017 to look like?" Here is the list I came up with:

  • Blogging more consistently. Writing is my biggest passion in life. I know that that is one of my strengths, if my only one. I've known that since I was young. I am able to express myself better on paper or on my blog than I am when I talk in person. When I write, I speak from the bottom of my heart. I don't take words lightly. What you say and how you say them to me means a great deal. Words are the closest way to get to my heart. My goal is to write weekly, if not daily. 

  • Get more organized. In the past, I have relied on my own brain to remember things. Well, I am human, so I forget things. I know that I will forget things in the future, but I would like to prevent it better. The way to do that is to make better use of my resources such as phone timers, calendar, reminder, planners, etc. There is nothing like crossing things off of a To-Do list! Another way I'd like to get organized is to keep my living space tidy. I have a tendency to come home after my night shift and sleep until I have to wake up for my next shift. While I love my sleep, I feel no sense of accomplishment sleeping for hours on end. So this year I want to keep my place looking tidy and neat.

  • Save money. As much as I don't want to admit it, I love to spend money. I like to have things and it is instant gratification. I don't like to wait for things that I really "want" and that has put me into trouble when it comes to money. This year, I would like to change that. I want to be a better steward of the riches I have been given.  I plan to put money away in my savings account and build that up for more important things, including retirement. I want to "live like no one else so I can live like no one else," --Dave Ramsey. While it is nice to have money, I will only count it as a blessing. It can be taken away as fast as it given. 

  • Bettering myself. I have a list of allergies that I never take into consideration when I sit down to eat. I know in the back of my mind that I shouldn't eat those things because they make me sick or I just forget (yes, I forget a lot) to look at the labels. But this year, I am planning on making good use of my crockpot, preparing and cooking homemade meals, and trying to eat in moderation. I have always been guilty of saying that I'm going to eat right and work out, but it never happens. I want to keep my word on that, because eating right is so important and nourishing your body in the right way. There's nothing wrong with eating out some of the time, but it should not be an every day, every week kind of thing. So this year I want to make it a point to eat mostly at home and try to hit the healthier items on the menu when I do go out.

  • Read more books. I used to read a lot when I was younger, but I let that one slip. After watching Gilmore Girls over again last year, I realized that books are an entirely different world. (I made it a point to mention Gilmore Girls cause I love that show and it makes me start reading again) Reading not only expands your vocabulary, but it also helps you paint a picture in your own mind about what the story is telling you. That's what I've always done when I've read, but I haven't been able to find a book lately that has left me hooked. I'm definitely on the lookout, though. This year is about finding my love for books again. 

  • Taking more pictures. I have always had a passion for picture taking. I have taken silly ones, serious ones, and also some vacay pics over the years. Sometimes when I go back to my parents house, I will pull out all the old photo albums from my baby days, younger days, and not so younger days, and reminisce about how far I've come. That's why I love taking pictures. I love looking at all the memories that encompass my entire life. It tells a story about who I was, who I am now, and someday who I will be. I know in 20 years, at 40 years old, I will appreciate all of the photos I take now. So I plan to take more this year and post them.

  • Worrying less about things I can't control. I am a bit of a worrier. I let things get to me when there is nothing that can be done about it. For instance, my parent's house burned on the first day of this year. When I got the call, I was shocked and upset to say the least (still am). I went to work and it was all I could think about. I couldn't let it go, I couldn't stay focused and that night at work was one of the most distracting shifts I'd ever worked. But I can't add a single hour to my life for all that worrying, as it says in the Bible. So, I want to just slow down this year. Take deep breaths and take it all in. 

That was my 2017 New Year's Resolution list! I'm hoping that I stick to these as best I can and I'm hoping to write more this year, period. Happy New Year and Happy Reading :)

Ramblings of a 20-year-old

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Writing used to come so easily for me back then. By back then, I mean high school. I used to write constantly. I always had something in my life that I wanted to write about. It's harder for me to write these days. My life is different now. I mostly just sit at my computer and stare at the blank page. The cursor is blinking and waiting for me to type something out. “Ugh,” I think. When you think you have inspiration inside that little brain of yours and the minute you sit down, everything goes blank. That’s me today. That’s been me for a year. I know it’s partly from it being an intense and crazy year. There’s almost too much I could write about, but none of it makes sense to actually put into words. A play? A book? A script? I want to try my hand at all of those things. For now, I'll settle for the blog. 

The topic of this post is just the ramblings of a 20 year old girl who's hopped up on little sleep, a gallon of coffee pulsing through my veins, and the endless hours of music through my earbuds. This is my own perfect little world and I love it. I currently really love my life. Flashback to a year and four months ago.... I hated my life. A "tragedy" struck me like lightning. I lost my first love. It has taken me an unbelievable amount of time to get over it and become friends with him once again. Some people might call me an idiot for doing so. But I always wanted to be friends with him again, whether or not he had a girlfriend. I just always wanted to be on good terms. He was my best friend....and boyfriend for a season. We had a good run and it's been time to move on. So I am finally there. Besides, I couldn't be happier for him. He seems to really be happy and that's good. That's what I always wanted. Plus, I'm happy, too. I've never been happier being single. I can make plans for what I want to do with my life. I spent 18 years of my life wanting to be older and get married, but that ship has sailed. I don't really want to touch marriage or kids with a ten foot pole. 

My biggest goal for my 20's, since I actually have about 9 more of those, is to take a U.S. road trip and someday, make it all the way to Europe. I have always wanted to go there since I saw "The Lizzie McGuire Movie"at 7 years old. I'm a girl who loves to actually travel, contrary to popular belief. One summer my family went to Disney World. I complained for the entire week about the walking and being in the sun. Granted, that was 8 years ago. I'm different now. At least, I'm pretty sure I'm different. I'm used to being on my feet for long periods of time now because of work, thank the Lord in heaven above, and what better way to spend your time than looking up at all the beautiful scenery that is in Europe? The only things I've seen are pictures... but pictures never do that place justice. 

I've always wanted to have a sense of adventure, since that is directly out of my comfort zone. But instead I spent most of my summer this year inside, in the air conditioning, instead of being outside in the 90 degree weather. Every single summer that passes makes me think about the year before and what I didn't do. I always change it for the next year, but I end up doing the same old thing. I even toyed with the idea of moving out of state, of course, staying with the company I currently work for. That is a sense of adventure I'd like to grab hold of. I know a lot of people that would shut this idea down almost immediately, but a girl can dream, right? Right.